Limerence
What is Limerence
It is a state of intense infatuation that develops towards another person. Most often an individual is not even in a romantic relationship with the object of their limerence. It usually involves fantasizing, romanticizing, obsessing thoughts, imagining an intimate relationship with that person.
Limerence can be experienced towards an ex, a new partner, a friend, a colleague, a person you don’t know that well, or even a celebrity that you’ve never met in person.
Limerence can be experienced by both anxious and avoidant leaning individuals.
Limerence in anxious individuals
In anxious individuals it usually manifests as very early attachment that is accompanied by obsessive thoughts and fantasies about that person. It usually intensifies when a person's feelings are not reciprocated by their object of obsession.
Limerence in avoidant individuals
In avoidant individuals the limerence is usually towards an ex, or a celebrity figure. For these individuals the less chances there are for reciprocation or building the actual relationship with that person, the safer it feels for them to develop the limerence.
Why Limerence develops
Limerence is a consequence of being not loved enough or neglected as a child. It is an attempt of a person's subconscious mind to receive what they did not receive as a child. Since they did not learn how to build a healthy connection with others, they imagine those connections in their fantasies.
How to overcome Limerence
You can recognize what needs or traits that person represents for you. It is usually needs that are not being met, or repressed traits. After identifying those, you can start meeting unmet needs and develop repressed traits in yourself. This way the need for fantasizing will eventually diminish, and the ability to create healthy relationships instead will increase.
If you would like to work with a private coach to heal your attachment style so that you can start enjoying safe, stable, and healthy relationships, book a consultation on our website.
